QUEENSLAND caravan owner Russ Brown reckons he has one of the most
"fortuitous offerings in the history of fortuitous offerings".
Mind you, his caravan sale of the century will involve a little hard work
to bring his once-proud lady of the road back to pristine condition!
Russ, who says he studied for a Bachelor of Science (Psychology) at the
University of Southern Queensland, is asking a mere $450 for his somewhat
dilapidated ‒ and that's putting it mildly ‒ "prime example of a
time-locked 1960s or '70s" caravan.
His comical and honest description of Frankie the Friendly Caravan is
spreading on social media after he announced the sale on Facebook (see
here).
The lengthy tonque- in-cheek post describes how he has now bought a bus
and regretfully has to sell the "aluminium can of awesomeness" at a
reduced price ... no longer $26,990!
"Once destined to be stripped back to her bare bones and refurbished to
the point where she was no longer recognisable, Frankie has been patiently
sitting in the backyard at mine, whilst I laboured over what I was going
to do with her," Russ writes.
"Alas, Frankie and I must part company."
He proudly promises that Frankie would include everything a buyer could
want in a caravan, with enough beauty that is "bound to be the milkshake
that brings the boys to the yard".
It has a door leading to "fantastic and awe-inspiring vistas, (depending
on where you park it) affording the spacious interior fresh air,
sand-flies and rain when left open", he boasts.
But as a safety precaution, all windows in the "little honey" have been
sealed shut with screws to keep out the gremlins.
"Fortunately, this means that you won't need to bother with retrofitting
those fiddly fly-screen things!
"It comes with two pre-installed roof vents, which work (in a comical kind
of way) and also help with letting in fresh air when open ... and when
closed.
"For added buying satisfaction, the vents are manufactured from high
quality tin that will operate as negative thermal mass in the winter
(drawing unwanted warm air up and out of the vehicle), and will add to the
much fabled 'sauna effect' (very popular in Sweden) during those sultry
summer months."
Russ says the "shabby-chic interior" has been carefully engineered to look
like rotting plywood panels, an accent that is beautifully complemented by
the loose lino floor tiles.
The two single beds catered for the 'politically correct' sleeping
arrangements so popular at the time of the caravan's manufacture.
Water is no problem in this little gem, "with holes in the roof aplenty".
"A beautiful complement on rainy days might be orange or lime-lidded
Tupperware containers to catch those heavenly drops as they leak through
the technologically advanced water feature that is the roof of the 'van,"
he suggests
Russ points out that the caravan's streamlined styling "echoes a bygone era
offsetting the two balding tyres with such grandeur and majesty that it
must be seen to be believed".
"If you are looking to impress your spouse with yet another unfinished
project, purchasing this 'van will likely see you become the envy of your
friends," he continues.
"You owe it to yourself to come on over and see the splendour and grandeur
for yourself.
"Guided tours of the mobile villa are available for sixpence through the
day, with 'special' night-time tours offered by appointment only and
for negotiated rates."
Russ describes it as a "regretful sale".
"I am asking only $450 (ono) for this piece of caravanning history," he
points out.
And, of course, it comes with bragging rights.
"Do her up or strip her down for a cheap trailer. Either way, you don't
want to be the one telling the grandkids in 20 years time that you
'almost' bought the 'van of the century.
"Be the person who is sitting on that wooden frame in the dinette across
from your grandkids whilst fist-pumping the air saying: “I saw it! I loved
it! I bought it!
"Don't buy it for ME ... don't even buy it for YOU ... buy it for THEM!
"You don't want to let them down, do you?"
